How Your Mind Makes Up Self-Triggering Stories - Susan Campbell and John Grey

When your partner’s behavior triggers one or your deep-seated fears, such as fear of being criticized, your brain’s alarm system initiates a state of fight-flight-freeze in your body. Once your higher brain receives these danger signals, your mind tries to make sense of why your body is in this state. Not realizing how brain chemistry works, most people believe and act according to whatever stories their minds come up with. Under stress, the part of the brain that makes meaning of what is going on seems to formulate worst-case stories. Instead of reassuring us that we are safe — that there is no cause for alarm — this part of the human brain fabricates quite a different story.

We call this our storytelling brain. It is the part of our wiring that concocts meaning. This meaning-making function is generally considered to be located in the brain’s left hemisphere. The explanations provided by our storytelling brain usually justify why our alarms are ringing: “My feelings don’t matter.” “I’m never appreciated.” “I always come last.” “Nothing I do is ever enough.” This kind of self-talk escalates ...

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