Recent research sheds light on a question that obsesses many people.
Who has more sex?
What happens when you have more sex?
Should you have more sex?
- Focus on your relationship: In one study, couples who had higher marital satisfaction were more satisfied with sex down the road. “Sexual and relationship satisfaction are intricately intertwined,” the researchers write. If the sex isn’t great but you’re not sure what to do about it, turning your attention to the non-sexual aspects of your relationship could help.
- Increase your positivity ratio: One way to work on your marriage is to create more positive interactions—physical affection, compliments, saying “I love you”—and fewer negative ones—anger, impatience, pushing buttons. Another study found that when one spouse is more positive, the other is more satisfied with sex; but in a negative environment, everyone’s enjoyment of sex is dampened.
- Set the mood: Gillespie’s study found that the high-satisfaction groups (whether they had sex frequently or not) were more likely to report setting the mood for sex, e.g., lighting candles, putting on background music.
- Aim for variety: Gillespie also linked satisfaction to a greater variety of sexual behaviors, such as gentle and deep kissing mixed with manual stimulation.
- Make it good for your partner: When wives are more satisfied with sex, husbands end up more satisfied down the road—plus, sex happens more often, one study found.
- Foster emotional agility: Another study revealed that the more prone to negative emotions you are, the less you enjoy sex (perhaps unsurprisingly). Cultivating a more positive and resilient mental state will benefit your sex life, too.