"I'm reluctant to give advice to people Ive never met. Every relationship is
unique. I can only say whats worked for me as a parent, and to boil it down to
its essence, its this: I trust my animal instincts. Regardless of our myriad
plans, were hardwired for reproduction. Pregnancy is the most natural of
processes, not a medical condition, and parenting follows from there. All this
hard work is baked into us to give ourselves over completely to that small
being. To nurture, support, and hope fiercely for the best. Culture and
conditioning have taught us other priorities, and obviously Im glad humans have
projects beyond parenting. I'll fight for a woman's right to choose not to be a
mother.
But once we're on that road, it's helpful to listen to the long chain of DNA
that got us here: you're an animal. Get the brood outside. Model the behavior
you want, but let them play. Make things together. Let them try hard tasks,
even if they fail. Confidence comes at the end of the rocky path, not the
paved one. Remember your job is to become obsolete. Success isn't keeping them
in the nest, but teaching them to fly away."
Barbara Kingsolver shares more on mothering, farming, ecology, and life in
this interview.
