How To Get Out Of Your Own Way
Many of us stunt our growth and stop ourselves from getting what we want by
having a fixed mindset (not knowing how to get out of your own way).
We
have that voice in our heads that we listen to that tells us that we can’t do
something, that something is impossible, or that we do not have the skills to
achieve something. This kind of thinking is simply not true, and it keeps us
stuck.
By Dr. Nikki Martinez
We all want things, but to get them, we have to believe in our ability to accomplish the steps it takes to get them. Try to change your thinking from “I can’t” to “Of course, I can.”
What we believe, we can achieve, and we can. It is like the famous saying, “Whether you tell yourself you can, or you tell yourself you can’t, your right.”
One important difference is to learn to turn our failures into successes. Many people fail at something and decide that this is an endpoint. People who get what they want and achieve greatness, simply look at failure as a lesson and try to see what can be learned from it.
Some of the individuals who have had the greatest successes of our time have also had some of the most epic failures.
I encourage you to read the stories of people like Michael Jordan, Albert Einstein, Steve Jobs, and Walt Disney. I promise they will inspire you. They will show you that we can get what we want, and achieve true success no matter what anyone else thinks or says, and no matter how many times we stumble.
It is not the stumbling that matters, it is the getting back up
Another simple way to learn how to get what you want is to learn from people who already have. Read some biographies, such as the people I mentioned above.
Find a good mentor who will be honest with you about your strengths and weaknesses. See if someone will let you shadow them, as you may learn important skills from pure observation.
Many times in my therapeutic work, when people tell me they are struggling, or that they want certain things for themselves, I ask them to think of people they admire who possess the qualities they need.
They are always able to list off what these individuals have, and then I ask them what is holding them back from doing and being those things. They already have the formula! However, they do not yet believe in their ability to use it. Now they just need to believe in their own abilities.
Many people hold limiting beliefs. If people truly looked at their values and belief systems and then compared them to what in them was holding them back, they could make adjustments.
When a person realizes that they have been walking around with a belief since they were young, simply because that is what they were told, they can now challenge it. It is even more powerful when they realize that this belief is holding them back from achieving their goals and getting what they want.
If they are able to transform their belief to support their goals, great things are possible for them. Yet, if someone believes that they are only supposed to achieve a certain level of success to be respectful to others before them, they will stay at that level.
If they are able to change that belief to respecting those who have taken care of them and sacrificed for them by achieving the greatest success they are capable of, they will go much further.
Does that make sense, can you see the difference in those belief systems, and why the one is limiting? Try to use some positive thinking skills when things seem impossible.
If you are a visual person, do something that puts your goals, dreams and wants somewhere that you have to see them each day. Put a list of your goals on your refrigerator. Make a dream/goal board. Be creative, be specific, and be clear about what you want. This is a great project, and something you will be proud of making.
There is an energy to putting these thoughts, hopes, and dreams out into the world to be seen. The fact that you have to see them all the time can be very motivating, and it can give you that extra kick that you need. Relish in your success as you achieve things that were on your board.
Imagine the motivating power of looking at a section of that board and saying to yourself, “I did that.” Now imagine if you could say to yourself, “I did all that.” This is a fun, simple, and powerful tool to keep you motivated and keep your goals at the forefront each and every day.
Another great project you can do is to create a “life list.” This is a project I have done with young adults and clients alike. I do the project along with them. I ask them to come up with a list of 10-20 things that they want in their lives and for themselves. Then, I encourage them to dream big and don’t let their limited thinking hold them back.
The lists are surprising and motivating. This is another item that can go on the refrigerator, or in your planner. It can sit on your office desk. Just as long as it is somewhere where you are constantly reminded of what you want and where you are towards accomplishing this.
There are times when I go back a year later and take such pride in the number of things that I can cross off a 20-item list because I remained focused on my goals, and kept them in the front of my mind.
Follow what I call the “Ladder approach.” By this I mean, think of the large and overwhelming things that you want to achieve. Each major goal sits at the top of the ladder.
Now break down what you need to achieve that ultimate goal into small and manageable steps. These go on the rungs of the ladder. Chip away at these smaller goals each day and each week.
Before you know it, you have made far more progress towards your goals than you would have thought possible. There is a power to breaking things down, and to working towards them little by little vs getting overcome by the idea of the completed goal that you want.
If we think about it, isn’t there a sense of satisfaction to checking all those little goals off our list over one big one?
It does not matter what method works best for you. I suggest trying several out until you find the right fit. Once you do, USE IT! You are capable of getting the things you want, and you are adept at achieving your goals, you just need to utilize the right tools to complete them.
By implementing any of these tools and techniques, you are truly changing your mindset toward getting what you want. Think of all the things you can have in your life that you have been wanting, and all the goals that you have been wanting to achieve, with just a simple shift in your state of mind!