Finding Your Playmate
An Excerpt from Hop, Skip, Jump
by Marney K. Makridakis
Shortly after becoming engaged to the man of my dreams, I read about the mating habits of monarch butterflies. When they mate, they carry each other. Sometimes the male carries the female, and sometime the female carries the male. Because that is an apt metaphor for our relationship, Tony and I included a butterfly release during our casual outdoor wedding. It was a whimsical touch on a gorgeous day, except for the very unfortunate story of the butterflies who got too much sun and, sadly, turned into baked butterflies. Trust me, young lovers, you don’t want overheated butterflies at your wedding. But the symbolism of the kind of mutual support we offer each other — sometimes I carry him, sometimes he carries me — remains in flight.
The Different Types of Playmates
One of the most important aspects of the Hop phase is to cultivate relationships and enhanced experiences of personal support. In child development, various kinds of social play are identified as being important. You can use the following definitions to inspire the types of supportive play that you’ll need in the beginning stages of a dream:
One of the most important aspects of the Hop phase is to cultivate relationships and enhanced experiences of personal support. In child development, various kinds of social play are identified as being important. You can use the following definitions to inspire the types of supportive play that you’ll need in the beginning stages of a dream:
Rough-and-tumble playmates. You need playmates who will roll around with you as you toss and tumble with new ideas. Make sure you are selecting people you trust and who do not bring negativity or discouraging energy to the table. My friend Dan is a good example of a “rough-and-tumble” playmate. I can go to him with creative ideas, and he adds fabulous feedback and offers new ideas in a way that is fun and delightful.
Belonging playmates. You need playmates who are familiar with what you are experiencing and can serve as great examples to both normalize and inspire your process. My friend Tama fits the bill for this one. She and I have so many similar professional experiences that a conversation with her is the perfect place for me to take a deep breath and feel that I am understood and really known. It’s well documented that children need “parallel play” experiences, where they feel safe playing next to another child, though not necessarily with them. We need that, too.
Celebratory playmates. You need playmates who can be your cheerleaders, champions, and celebrants. These friends may or may not have a direct interest in or connection to what you’re working on, but they’ll be there to cheer you on. Jean E. is a friend who celebrates with me no matter what. Our initial bond was built around our roles of mothering young kids, but if I have a professional accomplishment, she’ll want to take me out for a celebratory pedicure.
Try This: Have a Tea Party
Take a look at the playmates in your life. Who currently fits into the categories of rough-and-tumble playmate, belonging playmate, and celebratory playmate? Where are the empty spaces, and how might you fill them?
Take a look at the playmates in your life. Who currently fits into the categories of rough-and-tumble playmate, belonging playmate, and celebratory playmate? Where are the empty spaces, and how might you fill them?
After you have identified those who provide support, use your crayons to draw a picture of all of you coming together for an imaginary tea party. Add details to your drawing to make it come alive. Add decorations, a menu, and other elements. Think about whether your tea party might have a theme: Is it a marathon-training tea party? A business-building tea party? A new-apartment tea party? Do any of these made-up tea words — abilitea, creativitea, believabilitea — spark ideas?
Marney K. Makridakis is the author of Hop, Skip, Jump and founder of the online community ArtellaLand.com. Her first book, Creating Time: Using Creativity to Reinvent the Clock and Reclaim Your Life, hit #1 on Amazon’s bestseller lists in several categories. Visit her online at ArtellaLand.com.