Mindful Appreciation of This Ordinary Moment
An excerpt from Clearing Emotional Clutter by Donald Altman
One of the reasons why newness is so exhilarating, exciting, and enticing is that the pleasure centers in our brains get a positive jolt when we experience novelty. However, once we become habituated or acclimated to a new thing and its novelty wears off, we again need something new to give the same good feeling we originally felt. In this way, we get stuck on what psychologists call the hedonic treadmill of wanting more pleasure. If we’re wired this way, is there any antidote to always wanting more? Are we doomed to remain on the treadmill?
In Buddhism, there is a wonderful metaphor that depicts this insatiable craving for more. It is called the hungry ghost, which is often illustrated as having a tiny mouth, a long skinny neck, and a huge belly. In other words, the hungry ghost has a gigantic appetite that can never be satiated. It can never fill up that huge belly of desire because it has such a tiny mouth and neck. Living as a hungry ghost goes beyond material hunger; this is the emotional hunger and fear that drive envy, jealousy, greed, and all forms of possessiveness. Read the news, and you can see that even people with countless millions often need more — even if it means harming others. Without question, experiencing life as a hungry ghost produces a lot of suffering in the world.
Surprisingly, you need not look far to find the healing remedy for the hedonic treadmill and the hungry ghost. It’s right here, right by your side, and it comes from appreciating this seemingly very ordinary moment. What if we could counter the desire for more by getting more satisfaction out of what we already have in our lives? Mother Teresa eloquently spoke of this in her poem “True Drops of Love”:
Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary.
What we need is to love without getting tired.
How does a lamp burn?
Through the continuous input of small drops of oil.
If the drops of oil run out, the light of the lamp will cease,
and the bridegroom will say, “I do not know you.” (Matthew 25:12)
My daughters, what are these drops of oil in our lamps?
They are the small things of daily life:
faithfulness,
punctuality,
small words of kindness,
a thought for others,
our way of being silent,
of looking, of speaking,
and of acting.
These are the true drops of love.
Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.
Mother Teresa knew the deep truth of which she spoke. A study published in Psychological Science titled “A ‘Present’ for the Future: The Unexpected Value of Rediscovery” investigated the importance of ordinary experiences. Basically, researchers wanted to know what people would find more fascinating to review at some point in the future: an ordinary experience or an extraordinary one? At the beginning of the study, participants predicted that the ordinary would not be very interesting for them to review in the future. Then, individuals actually chronicled both an ordinary day and an extraordinary day through taking photos and writing about the day. The extraordinary day was Valentine’s Day, and the subjects (all of whom had romantic relationships) wrote down their experiences of this special event. Three months later, subjects rediscovered their earlier experiences — the ordinary and extraordinary — to determine which they were more curious about and which was more satisfying. So which was more meaningful and curiosity provoking? Subjects found that the ordinary day’s events were more meaningful and of interest than that special Valentine’s Day. They had greatly underestimated that ordinary day and what they could gain from it. This study reveals the surprising power of the ordinary.
The ordinary contains the seeds of meaning and daily appreciation that dissolve the need for accumulation. Appreciation of the ordinary is a different way of being in the world than feeling acquisitiveness or envy. You’re not likely to be envious of what another person has if you are deeply appreciative of what you already have in your life. By witnessing the incredible wealth and richness of ordinary and good things all around, you conquer feelings of scarcity, comparison with others, and appetite for more.
In Buddhism, there is a wonderful metaphor that depicts this insatiable craving for more. It is called the hungry ghost, which is often illustrated as having a tiny mouth, a long skinny neck, and a huge belly. In other words, the hungry ghost has a gigantic appetite that can never be satiated. It can never fill up that huge belly of desire because it has such a tiny mouth and neck. Living as a hungry ghost goes beyond material hunger; this is the emotional hunger and fear that drive envy, jealousy, greed, and all forms of possessiveness. Read the news, and you can see that even people with countless millions often need more — even if it means harming others. Without question, experiencing life as a hungry ghost produces a lot of suffering in the world.
Surprisingly, you need not look far to find the healing remedy for the hedonic treadmill and the hungry ghost. It’s right here, right by your side, and it comes from appreciating this seemingly very ordinary moment. What if we could counter the desire for more by getting more satisfaction out of what we already have in our lives? Mother Teresa eloquently spoke of this in her poem “True Drops of Love”:
Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary.
What we need is to love without getting tired.
How does a lamp burn?
Through the continuous input of small drops of oil.
If the drops of oil run out, the light of the lamp will cease,
and the bridegroom will say, “I do not know you.” (Matthew 25:12)
My daughters, what are these drops of oil in our lamps?
They are the small things of daily life:
faithfulness,
punctuality,
small words of kindness,
a thought for others,
our way of being silent,
of looking, of speaking,
and of acting.
These are the true drops of love.
Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.
Mother Teresa knew the deep truth of which she spoke. A study published in Psychological Science titled “A ‘Present’ for the Future: The Unexpected Value of Rediscovery” investigated the importance of ordinary experiences. Basically, researchers wanted to know what people would find more fascinating to review at some point in the future: an ordinary experience or an extraordinary one? At the beginning of the study, participants predicted that the ordinary would not be very interesting for them to review in the future. Then, individuals actually chronicled both an ordinary day and an extraordinary day through taking photos and writing about the day. The extraordinary day was Valentine’s Day, and the subjects (all of whom had romantic relationships) wrote down their experiences of this special event. Three months later, subjects rediscovered their earlier experiences — the ordinary and extraordinary — to determine which they were more curious about and which was more satisfying. So which was more meaningful and curiosity provoking? Subjects found that the ordinary day’s events were more meaningful and of interest than that special Valentine’s Day. They had greatly underestimated that ordinary day and what they could gain from it. This study reveals the surprising power of the ordinary.
The ordinary contains the seeds of meaning and daily appreciation that dissolve the need for accumulation. Appreciation of the ordinary is a different way of being in the world than feeling acquisitiveness or envy. You’re not likely to be envious of what another person has if you are deeply appreciative of what you already have in your life. By witnessing the incredible wealth and richness of ordinary and good things all around, you conquer feelings of scarcity, comparison with others, and appetite for more.